


Parks and Hamilton

by Ghosbee



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alexander Hamilton is Puerto Rican, Caring George Washington, F/M, I can't emphasize enough how of a lib Hamilton is in this, I literally just took a lot of the parks and rec pilot and made this, Imagine parks and rec but Alexander is Leslie Knope, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, There is an instance of saying "you people" in this cuz seabury is a racist fuck, Thomas Jefferson Being an Asshole, but i did remove as much racism and transphobia from the orginal script as I could, if some slipped past please let me know, you don't actually have to know parks and rec to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25011742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghosbee/pseuds/Ghosbee
Summary: Alexander Hamilton, a midlevel bureaucrat in Yorkling Parks and Recreation Department, hopes to beautify his town (and boost his own career) by helping local nurse Theodosia turn an abandoned construction site into a community park, but what should be a fairly simple project is stymied at every turn by oafish bureaucrats, selfish neighbors, governmental red tape and a myriad of other challenges.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Parks and Hamilton

**Untitled Miranda/Chernow Project**

**Act One**

INT. HAMILTON'S OFFICE - DAY

SLOW PAN OVER SOME BOOKSHELVES. Nothing but political biographies in various languages.

 **HAMILTON** (VO)

I love America. I love American Politics. I would say I live for it. I think one of my goals in life, other than punching Thomas Jefferson in the face and revitalizing our national banking system, is to become president of the United States. Which is something I can do. Because I am a citizen.

ANGLE ON a framed copy of the Constitution... a signed portrait of JFK... 

**HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

I tried to run for city council last year, and those pendejos wouldn’t leave off on whether Puerto Ricans are citizens, so sorry if I come off as a little defensive.

REVEAL HAMILTON (Lin-Manuel Miranda)

He is framed by an American Flag and Puerto Rican Flag. A nameplate on the desk reads “Alexander Hamilton”. Crumpled papers litter his desk. He is wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt over a T-Shirt which reads “Ricanstructed” and a loose tie with a dollar bill pattern.

**HAMILTON**

My name is Alexander Hamilton. I’m the Deputy Chairman of the Parks and Recreation department in the city of Yorkling.

Camera Widens to show his office is small, messy, and cramped. 

**HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

Can you get wide enough to show both flags?

We widen further to show there is another desk in the office, we see a piece of another man (BURR) typing.

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT ROOM

GEORGE WASHINGTON, 40s, wearing a suit top that clearly costs more than the entire building over a pair of sweatpants, leads a meeting of the Parks Department. HAMILTON, BURR, and OTHERS.

**WASHINGTON**

Lastly, the community outreach program is tonight. Hamilton is going to run it.

HAMILTON grins.

 **WASHINGTON** (CONT’D)

We need one more. Who volunteers?

No one volunteers.

 **WASHINGTON** (CONT’D)

Burr.

**BURR**

Yes sir.

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

Every month we hold a public forum, and every month, out of six hundred city workers, they send me. (SHRUGS) It’s no big deal. Whatever. Just an honor.

WASHINGTON TALKING HEAD

**WASHINGTON**

No one else wants to go. It’s an awful job, you go to a dinghy rec center and get yelled at. If I wanted to be yelled at, I would just call my mother. People are awful.

EXT. EST. VON STEUBEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Some people drift towards the door.

CLOSE ON: SANDWICH BOARDING READING: 

**YORKLING CITY PUBLIC FORUM**

**7:30 PM, AUDITORIUM**

**FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC**

INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALL - NIGHT

HAMILTON and BURR are in a HALLWAY outside the AUDITORIUM.

**HAMILTON**

(To Camera)

This will be great for you guys to see. This is where the people communicate with their Government. Where the meat of policy really happens. When I go through these doors, I really have to go on, like a White House Press Secretary. So, let’s rock and roll!

HAMILTON tries to open the DOOR. It’s LOCKED. He tries to jiggle it a few times. Beat. Burr snickers.

INT - ELEMENTARY HISTORY CLASSROOM

Pictures of various historical figures and badly colored, hand drawn maps cover the walls. Hamilton and Burr each have an unnecessary MICROPHONE. 

About 30 of those desk-chair combo thingies are filled with people, along with some people standing around the walls- mostly elderly, of all races. Among them is THEODOSIA (late twenties, pretty without trying).

Hamilton finishes writing his NAME and TITLE on the blackboard.

**HAMILTON**

Thanks everyone for coming. I’m Parks deputy chairman, Alexander Hamilton.

He casually sits on one of the tiny desks and tips over, he quickly recovers and slides into the teacher’s desk.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

With me is department member Aaron Burr.

Hamilton holds court.

**HAMILTON**

Big turnout tonight, exciting.

We see the front row is mostly old people and weirdos.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

So fire away! Yes?

THEODOSIA raises her hand. A man, SEABURY stands aggressively and starts talking.

**SEABURY**

I am here because of a disgraceful crime happening in this city right now. It is rampant throughout this entire country, and you people know about it but do nothing to stop it! 

**HAMILTON**

That’s horrible. 

**SEABURY**

Will you commit right now to helping me stop this crime?

**HAMILTON**

Of course, we want to help in any way we can.

Burr shakes his head at Hamilton’s naivete.

**SEABURY**

Do you want me to tell you what the crime is?

**HAMILTON**

Yes. Please tell me so we can stop this awful crime. I don’t understand why you're being so mysterious about this.

**SEABURY**

People are insulting the Queen.

**HAMILTON**

Sir, first of all, the United States of _America_ are no longer under the control of Britain. Also, it isn’t even illegal to insult the Queen in the UK, so I’m not sure where your-

**SEABURY**

You promised to stop it! 

(Holds up mini recorder)

I have it on tape! 

**HAMILTON**

Okay, first of all, Yorkling is in a two-party consent state, so that recording is illegal, and therefore a non binding contract. But, more importantly, the city government can’t just make insulting the queen illegal-

> **SEABURY**

Oh, I think you could if you people weren’t so lazy.

**HAMILTON**

What. Was. That?

Hamilton stands, visibly angry.

**BURR**

Calm down, he meant the Government.

(under breathe)

Probably.

The man sits while Hamilton gathers himself and returns to his own seat. Theodosia still has her hand up.

**THEODOSIA**

Uhm... I have-

A 50-ish weirdo, LEE, stands up, very animated and inexplicably sarcastic.

**LEE**

Well, well, well, today is a great day! Last week, I didn’t have a pot to piss in, this week, the world is my urinal. My mother owned a store in town. A creamery. I was shot by a man in a previous life, and I have the birthmark to show it. The Sheriff is a tenth degree mason.

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

There are a few regulars who show up to our meetings and ramble about things. I like to listen to them talk. It’s very relaxing, and it gives me a great opportunity to catch up on my side projects. Like this.

(Holds up a binder)

In the time it took Lee to explain why he would make a great general in the ghost wars, I wrote a post for my blog about why crypto-currency is bunk, a letter to the New York Times calling them out for an article that openly endorses facism, and the crossword puzzle for the Yorkling Post.

(Chuckles)

Once you fill in everything, there’s a secret horizontal message that says “Jefferson sucks”. Just some office humor.

BACK TO SCENE

Close in on Hamilton, writing in binder.

**LEE**

One day there was fire, and that’s what killed my snake. Now I have a few things to say about John Adams.

**BURR**

Okay, Mr. Lee, thank you.

**HAMILTON**

No, no, I want to hear what he has to say about Adams.

Hamilton continues writing.

**LEE**

John Adams is a fifteenth degree mason. In the fifteenth degree they teach you how to talk with your mouth closed.

**BURR**

Okay, thank you Mr. Lee, thank you for your comments.

Hamilton claps.

**HAMILTON**

I agree with a lot of what you said.

Lee wanders out the door. 

**HAMILTON**

This is invaluable. Citizen comments. Who’s next?

THEODOSIA has her hand up. Another guy starts to get up and talk, so THEODOSIA stands up instead to interrupt him.

**THEODOSIA**

Hi, so I’m Theodosia, and a few of us are here to talk about the abandoned lot on George Street.

**HAMILTON**

Alright, go on.

**THEODOSIA**

I’m a nurse, and frankly I’m not at all impressed with politics in Yorkling.

This gets some claps, Hamilton looks insulted.

 **THEODOSIA** (CONT’D)

But, this thing almost killed my boyfriend, so...

EXT. STREET -- YORKLING, NEW YORK -- MORNING -- B-ROLL

This footage is shot on another day -- the documentary crew has followed THEODOSIA home, after hearing about the issue, and is splicing in the footage to illustrate what he talked about.

We’re on an unimpressive street full of shops and apartments with small homes behind them.

**THEODOSIA** (V.O)

> Anyways, on this lot a developer dug out a basement for an office building, and then they went bankrupt. And now... there’s just this giant pit.

We look over the GIANT PIT, It’s about fifteen feet deep. It is surrounded by a construction fence that is rusted and busted down in some places, it has clearly been there awhile. THEODOSIA silently points out sections of the pit while the conversation continues.

 **THEODOSIA** (VO) (CONT’D)

It’s been there for over a year.

**HAMILTON** (VO)

Twelve months, yes, go on.

**THEODOSIA** (VO)

It goes right up to the backyard of the house I rent.

BACK TO MEETING SCENE

 **THEODOSIA** (CONT’D)

> And my boyfriend --who’s a musician actually, who I support, but who has really started to make some contacts in the music industry-- anyway, he was cutting through the lot at night and it was raining, and he just, whomp, fell right in. Broke both his legs.

INT. THEODOSIA’S HOUSE -- MORNING

JACQUES is on the couch, both his legs in casts.

**JACQUES**

It was slippery. Did she tell you it was slippery? Because it was super slippery.

BACK TO SCENE

**THEODOSIA**

There was a little item about it in the paper.

THEODOSIA holds up a newspaper clipping.

 **THEODOSIA** (VO)

> “Unemployed man breaks legs in abandoned pit.” Which, why do they have to say “unemployed man”, That is inappropriate editorializing that doesn’t belong in a news piece in my opinion.

**HAMILTON**

(Shaking his head)

It’s the gotcha media.

**THEODOSIA**

The point is, there’s a giant hole in the ground and people are falling in. I’ve been trying for months to fix this problem. I’ve written letters, and I’ve made like a thousand calls to the government, but so far...

She makes a zero with his fingers.

**BURR**

Who fell in again? You’re boyfriend?

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah.

**BURR**

Is he dead?

**THEODOSIA**

No, but he broke both his legs.

**BURR**

Uh-huh. How long have you been going out together? Is it a strong relationship?

THEODOSIA looks at him warily.

 **BURR** (CONT’D)

I’m not hitting on you. I’m asking for background purposes.

**HAMILTON** (cutting in)

I’m sorry to hear about the trouble, but this doesn’t seem like a government problem-

**THEODOSIA**

Actually, the government owns the land now, so it is. Nice try blowing me off though.

LOUD ANGRY APPLAUSE from the crowd. 

**HAMILTON**

Well, actually-

**BURR**

Hamilton.

**HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

Actually, we’re not going to blow you off.

**THEODOSIA**

(unconvinced)

Really.

**HAMILTON**

Yes, I will ensure you are helped.

**THEODOSIA**

Is that a promise?

**HAMILTON**

It is more than a promise. It is an oath. I swear on my honor to you, to all of you in this room, right now, at this very moment, that I will help. And, in fact, I will not only fill in that pit, but I will ensure a new and beautiful park is built on top of it.

The crowd is happy. BURR leans over and covers the mic with his hand.

**BURR**

What the hell are you doing?

HAMILTON covers his mic.

**HAMILTON**

I’m getting in the game.

THEODOSIA TALKING HEAD

B-roll: The meeting breaking up, Hamilton giving THEODOSIA a business card and them chatting.

**THEODOSIA**

He claims he’s going to help us. Whatever. Frankly, he seems like a boob. 

(beat)

He’s wearing a tie over his unbuttoned shirt. Like, just take the tie off dude? It’s not making you look professional anymore.

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

B-roll: HAMILTON staring bravely out of his office window, at the brick wall that serves as his view.

**HAMILTON**

I've worked in the parks department for six years, and so far I’ve only done Park Maintenance. For example, last year I spearheaded the city-wide project to disinfect the sandbox sand after the Petco closed and released all it’s cats onto the streets. I heard some testimony from mothers that would make you cry... But this pit!

This is my shot to build a new park, from scratch!

(beat)

This is my Hoover Dam.

**END OF ACT ONE**

**ACT TWO**

INT. - JEFFERSON’S OFFICE - NEXT MORNING

THOMAS JEFFERSON, flamboyant. He is wearing a purple, velvet suit with Timberland shoes. He is on the phone.

**JEFFERSON**

That sounds delightful! The issue is, I _am_ required to report any gifts over twenty-five dollars. But y’know, call my wife and give her the suits, and then if they don’t fit her, she might give them to me! 

JEFFERSON gives a snarky little laugh. HAMILTON passes by and peeks in, suspicious.

**HAMILTON**

Jefferson.

**JEFFERSON**

(covering)

Alright Mr. Mayor, nice talking with you.

(turns to HAMILTON) 

Hamilton! Hello!

**HAMILTON**

That was the mayor?

**JEFFERSON**

Yes, we were just discussing some matters.

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

Ugh! Jefferson has all the luck! I’ve lived here six years, and I still have not met the mayor! Every single time I try, I just miss him!

JEFFERSON TALKING HEAD

**JEFFERSON**

Yorkling’s mayor died ten years ago, but every year he runs unopposed and wins by default.

(beat)

Don’t tell Hamilton, he may think it’s his moral duty to prevent it.

INT. HAMILTON and BURR’s OFFICE

HAMILTON and BURR, brainstorming.

**HAMILTON**

Brainstorm, how do I make this happen?

**BURR**

Go to city hall, ask them to front the money.

**HAMILTON**

Not going to work. I already visited them on my way to work, had to skip my second coffee, but it’s whatever. 

(beat - Hamilton twitches)

Anyways, the budget’s too tight right now. Parks aren’t a priority. I need something to convince them. I need more firepower. I need bigger guns.

**BURR** (looking over HAMILTON’s head)

Yeah, your guns are pretty small.

**HAMILTON**

Tell me about it!

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

Burr and I work great together! We’re both orphans, both graduated from Princeton, and we both hate Thomas Jefferson.

BURR TALKING HEAD

**BURR**

Thomas and I go out for drinks every friday. It’s the only thing that gets me through the week sometimes.

INT. HAMILTON and BURR’S office -- CONTINOUS

**HAMILTON**

What we really need is a committee, obviously. 

(To camera)

Committees are power. They are the lifeblood of the democratic system.

(to BURR)

That was good. Did you get that? For the book?

BURR types something into his phone.

**BURR**

Yes.

**HAMILTON**

(To camera)

Every now and again, I stumble upon a saying or a phrase, that just really sums up my feelings on things. Which is important, but I tend to ramble, and the average American only listens to about three sentences of a speech before they lose interest. Burr is helping me collect them, for my memoirs.

BURR TALKING HEAD

**BURR**

No I’m not.

BACK TO SCENE

CLOSE IN on what BURR is typing -- it’s just key smashes.

**HAMILTON**

What if we got John in on it?

**BURR**

John who?

**HAMILTON**

“John who?”! Laurens!

**BURR**

Oh. Sure. Whatever. Call him.

HAMILTON starts to dial.

**HAMILTON**

(To camera)

You want something done in this town, you have to call John Laurens. He’s a city planner, and he’s ‘da bomb’. Smart, capable, and knows where all the bodies are buried. Just a really great, solid, beautiful, strong, wonderful man. 

BURR looks at him.

**BURR**

(To camera)

He wants to bone him so bad.

**HAMILTON**

What?

(Into phone)

Hey! John!

EXT. COURTYARD -- LATER

This is an interior courtyard of the building. Crummy, rundown -- just a few benches and a piddling fountain. HAMILTON approaches LAURENS, who’s sitting on a bench eating a sandwich. He speaks with a thick southern accent.

**LAURENS**

Hi Alex.

**HAMILTON**

What’s up John, you possum-eating rascal!

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

Politics are rough and tumble. Sometimes, you have to say things that would make your abuela smack you, to get your point across. You just have to act like an animal, establish dominance, dish it out and take it.

(he pinches his arm)

Thick skin.

BACK TO SCENE

**LAURENS**

“Possum-eating rascal?” What the hell Alex? That’s really hurtful.

**HAMILTON**

(crumbling)

Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to kid around. Dios mio. Oh my god. I’ve already screwed it all up.

**LAURENS**

Alex, I’m joking.

HAMILTON looks confused, and then laughs really loudly and weirdly trying to recover.

**HAMILTON**

Oh! Ha ha ha! I know. Oh man, good times. Hee hee hee. Politics.

Laurens smiles at him, amused.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

So anyways. Back to business. So down to the brass tacks. Do you know that pit I’m talking about?

**LAURENS**

Yeah, lot 48. I checked it out like a month ago. It’s pretty gross.

**HAMILTON**

As in a gross injustice!

**LAURENS**

Sure. But I meant in a more literal sense. People have been throwing their trash in there. And I’m pretty sure I saw a dead wolf down there. 

**HAMILTON**

Let me ask you this -- do you think I could turn it into a park?

**LAURENS**

Well, when I think about the logistics, and hoops you’d have to jump through, I’d say, is it likely?... No. Is it possible? Also no. In fact, I would go so far as to say it’s impossible and you should give up. 

**HAMILTON**

What? Why?

**LAURENS**

There’s a million reason why. Look, when I first started out, I wanted to be that agent of change. Get stuff done. But between the developers and the citizen groups, the bureaucrats and the anti-government groups, well... I just try to focus on things that will help in-need neighborhoods. I know that neighborhood, give it some time and a developer will swoop in and build an artisanal butter store.

**HAMILTON**

But it’s hurting people now. What if I did something big like became a city council member-

**LAURENS**

Aim smaller Alex. Maybe try removing the wolf? You might be able to get that done by Christmas.

**HAMILTON**

John, I need your help on this. Please? Can’t you do me a favor? For old time’s sake?

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

John and I -- It’s complicated. You work closely with someone, two strong personalities, passionate about the same things, sharing a worldview... things can happen. 

(beat)

We slept together.

He makes a motion like: There it is.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

A while ago. We really didn’t talk about it. We’re both professionals, we don’t let this kind of stuff affect us. I don’t know. Someday, down the line... we’ll give it a chance to become something more. 

LAURENS TALKING HEAD

In his office.

**LAURENS**

Alex? No.

(He thinks)

I would remember. Like, that’s not the sort of thing you can forget. There was this one time, at a party, but I just took him home. We didn’t do anything. I respect him too much to take advantage.

BACK TO SCENE

He’s still staring into his eyes.

**LAURENS**

Why do you want it to be a park so bad? What’s your “angle”?

**HAMILTON**

No “angle”. Just, I’ve been here for six years, and I know more about Yorkling than anyone else, and I’ve never had my own project! It’s not fair! It’s like, we’re back in school and I’ve studied really hard, but they’re not letting me take the test! Imagine how frustrating that would be?

LAURENS looks at the camera.

**LAURENS**

God, if those tests had been called off, I would have been pissed off. And those lousy furlough days, I hated those.

**HAMILTON**

I know! Teachers deserve a break, but not at the cost of education!

(beat)

John, listen, I believe the government can do great things, but you need power, and getting this park would give me power. The more power I can get, the more good I can do! If I had absolute power, I could absolute good!

**LAURENS**

Your enthusiasm is -- intense, and off-putting-

**HAMILTON**

Thank you.

**LAURENS**

But, it’s just not going to happen.

**HAMILTON**

But I promised!

**LAURENS**

Well, you’ll have to live with being the first bureaucrat in history to break a promise to the public.

INT. THEODOSIA’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

Jacques watches TV with his broken legs up. He is swaddled in an old blanket and covered in snack wrappers. THEODOSIA is bustling around cleaning the apartment.

**THEODOSIA**

Can you clean up a little honey? Just a little. They’re going to be here soon.

**JACQUES**

Sure.

He looks around, then tosses a selfie stick on to the ottoman. THEODOSIA sighs.

 **THEODOSIA** (to camera)

That park's guy is coming over to see the pit. Probably just a photo op for him, I bet. I still don’t think there’s any way the government---

**JACQUES**

Shh.

**THEODOSIA**

Excuse me?

**JACQUES**

Theo, if I wanted to hear about the news, I’d open twitter.

**THEODOSIA**

I’m talking about the pit you fell in.

**JACQUES**

Yeah, but that’s boring. I’m trying to live in the present, and like it’s so hard to find a pic for my throwback thursday with you talking.

**THEODOSIA**

Right, boring stuff. Like fixing problems. Dealing. Improving things.

**JACQUES**

Yeah, either one.

JACQUES talking head.

**JACQUES**

Here’s the deal.

He checks behind her to see if THEODOSIA is nearby.

 **JACQUES** (CONT’D)

When Theodosia sees something broken, she feels obliged to fix it. I don’t know why, and I don’t really care anymore. It’s the only reason I’ve eaten a hot meal in the last three years.

BACK TO SCENE

The doorbell rings and THEODOSIA answers. It’s Hamilton, Burr, and Madison (20, frail, bored). Hamilton is wearing a hard hat.

**HAMILTON**

Hello Theodosia

**THEODOSIA**

Hey. Wow.

**HAMILTON**

This Aaron Burr, my loyal co-worker. And this is James Madison, our intern. He’s going to document our fact-finding mission.

THEODOSIA sees MADISON’s camera and glances knowingly to the camera.

**THEODOSIA**

Okay, let me just get my purse...

Hamilton pushes past her and heads to Jacques

**HAMILTON**

And this must be our hero, “The man heard round the world”, how are you doing mijo?

**JACQUES**

...Hey.

**HAMILTON**

On behalf of the government of Yorkling, I want to say that we’re going to do everything we can to help you. Stay brave.

**JACQUES**

Okay...

(beat)

Can you hand me my selfie stick?

INT. KITCHEN - simultaneous

**BURR**

So, you’re a nurse?

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah.

**BURR**

Like, general nurse or some special kind?

**THEODOSIA**

General, but I get people ready for imaging tests a lot, so that’s kind of my specialty.

**BURR**

You know, I passed my bar test on my first try.

**THEODOSIA**

You’re a lawyer? I thought you worked for the city.

**BURR**

Oh yeah, I do. I decided civil service was my passion and quit lawyering.

BURR TALKING HEAD

**BURR**

Did you know you don’t have to go to law school to take the Bar exam in Virginia? You don’t even have to be an adult. Looking back, I’m glad I took it, it really helped me when I wanted to be emancipated. 

(beat)

Unfortunately, I did not pass the test the second time I took it. Hence, city work.

EXT. PIT - LATER

The camera pans over the pit and then finds our gang peering in. They stare at it.

**THEODOSIA**

Right over there is where he fell in.

**HAMILTON**

(hushed; dramatic)

My God, how did we let this happen. Soil. Unstable. Crumbly. This whole lot could be vulnerable to mudslides. Madison get some pictures of this!

**MADISON**

Of what?

**HAMILTON**

Everything, this whole thing.

Madison takes out his little digital camera and takes random photos of nothing.

**THEODOSIA**

So, do you think we could fill it in, plant some grass, maybe a bench or a tree?

**HAMILTON**

Possibly. But dream with me for a moment. Why shouldn’t this neighborhood have a first-class park? With a playground for kids? Do you have kids?

**BURR** (looking her up and down)

I’d say no.

**THEODOSIA**

...No.

**HAMILTON**

Okay, but there are a lot of kids in the neighborhood right? Kids that would love a shiny new playground, with swings and a softball field and a pool, and a jungle gym and tennis courts! And maybe over there, an amphitheatre for Shakespeare in the park!

**THEODOSIA**

It’s not that big of a pit.

**HAMILTON**

Well, we could do some of these things! A little playground arises from a deadly pit! We could name it after your boyfriend! “Theodosia’s boyfriend memorial park!”

**THEODOSIA**

He didn’t die.

**HAMILTON**

“The boyfriend broken leg tribute park”. It’ll take a little extra work, but why not?

Theodosia shrugs her shoulders a little and smiles.

**THEODOSIA**

I think that would be great.

**HAMILTON**

Good. Me too.

(beat)

I’m going in.

He steps to the edge of the pit.

**THEODOSIA**

Why?

**HAMILTON**

I have to see it for myself. Don’t worry, I have a hard hat on.

**THEODOSIA**

I see that.

Hamilton starts down the side of the pit, slowly.

**HAMILTON**

Madison, document this. 

(To camera)

The key to any fact-finding mission is you have to really get into the battle zone. Like a president surveying a hurricane-stricken tone. Or when Richard Nixon visited China to see... you know, what the Chinese government was up to.

He’s moving slowly down.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

A politician can’t be effective unless they see the problem first-hand. You have to-

His foot slips-

He tumbles down-

**HAMILTON**

Fuck! Shit! Dammit! Fuck it!

**THEODOSIA**  
Whoa! Alex!

They rush to help him, but he’s done.

 **HAMILTON** (O.C.)

Fuuuuuuuuuuuu-

Camera runs up to the EDGE and we see Hamilton, covered in dirt, sprawled on the ground.

**THEODOSIA**

Oh my god, are you okay?

**BURR**

Let’s ditch him. It’ll be hilarious.

Madison stares at him in horror. Then Madison snaps a photo. 

**END OF ACT TWO**

**ACT THREE**

EXT. PIT- MOMENT’S LATER

On the edge, Burr and Madison look through the digital photos on the little camera.

**BURR**

Oh, that’s a good one. Email me that one.

**MADISON**

He’s dustier in this one.

**BURR**

I’ll take that one too.

SPY SHOT: At the bottom of the pit. Theodosia is tending to Hamilton’s wounds.

**THEODOSIA**

Did it hurt a lot?

**HAMILTON** (in pain)

No.

**THEODOSIA**

Right.

**HAMILTON**

How can you tell?

**THEODOSIA**

I’m a nurse.

**HAMILTON**

Thank goodness I was wearing that hard hat.

**THEODOSIA**

But it fell off.

**HAMILTON**

After my head hit that rod.

**THEODOSIA**

Well, you should be all set now. Hey, you shed blood for the cause, now we’re friends.

Hamilton smiles.

INT. THEODOSIA’S HOUSE - LATER

Hamilton sits next to Jacques on the couch.

**JACQUES**

I can’t believe you fell in too. That’s hilarious.

**THEODOSIA**

It’s not hilarious Jacques.

**JACQUES**

It’s pretty hilarious.

Hamilton holds out his arms like a toddler, and Theodosia “helps” him stand up, which he is perfectly capable of doing it.

**HAMILTON**

Okay, I’m going to report my findings to my boss, George Washington, and demonstrate how dangerous this park is. He’ll have to listen to me with a broken clavicle.

**THEODOSIA**

Nothing is broken.

**HAMILTON**

Trust me, it’s broken. Do you have one of those neck collar braces?

**THEODOSIA**

Seriously, you’re fine.

Hamilton mutters that it’s pretty obviously broken, but doesn’t have the guts to say it out loud.

 **THEODOSIA** (CONT’D)

Hey, this is really cool, that you’re helping me with this.

**HAMILTON**

Yeah, well, I’m a public servant, and you’re the public. It’s my honor and pleasure to serve you.

Theodosia smiles.

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

Maybe you should come by my office later? We could have coffee and talk about the project.

**THEODOSIA**

Sure, why not.

THEODOSIA TALKING HEAD

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah, he’s a bit doofy. But he seems really sweet.

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

I may have underestimated Theodosia. She’s very dedicated to the cause like I am. At first I thought she was, well, I hate to say the word “bitch” because it’s demeaning to women. I thought she was a bee-yotch. But now, I wouldn’t say we’re best friends, but we’re definitely very close friends. 

(catches himself being nerdy)

And, health care is a huge issue. A hot nurse could be a very powerful political symbol.

INT. GEORGE WASHINGTON’S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY

Washington and Hamilton. SPY SHOT.

**WASHINGTON**

Explain this again.

Angle in on Hamilton who is wearing a travel neck pillow taped on with duct tape on his neck.

**HAMILTON**

I want a committee sir. I want to explore the possibility of putting a park on ot 48.

**WASHINGTON**

Well, the lot is actually zoned commercial. Once the economy turns around, there’ll be plenty of developers who would love to exploit the property. You were supposed to put this fire out.

**HAMILTON**

Here’s the thing sir, when you’ve been in the pit- Have you been in the pit?

**WASHINGTON**

What? No.

**HAMILTON**

Well, I have.

**WASHINGTON**

When you fell in?

**HAMILTON**

When I visited the bottom of the pit on a fact-finding mission. And when you’re down in the pit... well, you really get a feeling for what it all means.

Hamilton begins laying down photos Madison took. Hamilton posing next to the pit, Hamilton falling in...

 **HAMILTON** (CONT’D)

I’ve been a loyal soldier, sir. I’m not throwing away my shot. Give me lot 48. 

(dramatic whisper)

Let me form a sub-committee and explore the possibility of building a small park.

Washington looks at him, and realizes Hamilton has no real ammo here.

**WASHINGTON**

I’ll definitely think about it.

**HAMILTON**

I like the sound of the ‘definitely’.

Hamilton triumphantly smiles at the camera as he leaves. Behind him, Washington begins framing one of the more flattering photos to settle on his desk.

Camera angles in on the desk, to show that Washington has several photos of Hamilton and other employees framed as one would do family photos. At least three say “happy father’s day” on them.

WASHINGTON TALKING HEAD

**WASHINGTON**

I think of my employees as my children. Martha and I have never had any, so I make do. It helps that most of the people working here stay for life. 

(beat)

Part of being a good dad is making sure my children grow as people. Sometimes that means denying things they want. Like eating pizza everyday, or a working office coffee machine, or replacing a pit with a park. It builds character.

(beat)

Of all my children, Hamilton has the most character.

INT. HAMILTON’S OFFICE - LATER

Jefferson stands outside in the common area. Theodosia approaches Madison. Jefferson glances at her. His eyes flick away then immediately back. He stares at her from the side, without her noticing.

**THEODOSIA**

Hi, how's it going? Is Alex around?

**MADISON** (coughing)

What is this regarding?

**THEODOSIA**

James, it’s me, from the pit?

Madison nods blankly. Jefferson walks over.

**JEFFERSON**

Lot 48 right? George street?

(She nods)

I’m Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. I’ve been working closely with Hamilton on your project.

**THEODOSIA**

I’m Theodosia.

**JEFFERSON**

So I want to tell you I have a lot of respect for community activists. You guys get dumped on a lot, but you keep at it, organizing the poor, and keeping a people a voice and really keeping us honest in the government. I really think that’s cool.

**THEODOSIA**

I agree, but I’m not a community activist, I’m a nurse.

**JEFFERSON**

I feel the exact same way about nurses.

Theodosia smiles.

**THEODOSIA**

Really? Exactly the same way? How lucky for you that you didn’t just make a really embarrassing mistake.

**JEFFERSON**

I know right? Thank god.

**THEODOSIA**

So who else do you admire in exactly the same way? Animal trainers? Rental car phone reservation takers?

**JEFFERSON**

Yup. All of them.

She laughs.

 **JEFFRSON** (CONT’D)

So why is a nurse taking on the system? What’s in it for you?

**THEODOSIA**

Well, just between you and me, I own all the nearby lots. I’m thinking if I can get the city to commit to fix this, I can get the lot for a low price, bundle it with my lots, then put up a new mall.

**JEFFERSON**

Wow, smart and beautiful.

**THEODOSIA**

I’m kidding. There’s an ugly hole in the ground, and people keep falling in.

**JEFFERSON**

I know Hamilton fell in. Madison emailed a picture this morning, but who else fell in?

**THEODOSIA**  
...My boyfriend.

**JEFFERSON**

(not thrown)

He okay?

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah he’s fine. He’s great.

**JEFFERSON**

What’s he do for a living?

**THEODOSIA**

(wary)

Why do you want to know?

**JEFFERSON**

Just making conversation.

**THEODISA**

He’s... a musician. Potentially. I mean, yeah, whatever, he’s... he’s a musician.

Jefferson nods slightly. “This guys not a threat”. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment. Hamilton, Burr, and Laurens come round the corner.

**HAMILTON**

There she is!

(re: Jefferson, less enthused)

And there he is. Jefferson, why are you bothering Theo?

**THEODOSIA**

Hey Alex, we were just making conversation.

**JEFFERSON**

Exactly. No need to get your hackles up, ‘Alex’.

**HAMILTON**

Well, Theo and I have personal business to discuss. 

**LAURENS**

Yeah, maybe you should go and check in on your wife Jefferson. She’s home alone, isn’t she? Must be lonely.

**JEFFERSON**

Actually, her sister’s over. But I do have other, far more important work to attend to. I’ll leave you to your... pit.

Jefferson exits.

**HAMILTON**

Did he do anything to you Theo? 

**THEODOSIA**

It really was just an ordinary conversation. 

**HAMILTON**

Okay, well, you know Burr, but this is John Laurens. He’s a city planner, and he’s absolutely amazing at his job.

**THEODOSIA**

It’s nice to meet you.

**LAURENS**

You as well. Hamilton’s told me everything, and I’ll do my best to help.

**THEODOSIA**

That’s great. So, how are you guys feeling about this?

**HAMILTON**

I’m feeling.... Optimistic. Waiting for news from “on high” about whether we get the committee or not. 

**THEODOSIA**

Hey, no matter what happens I want to say thank you. I mean it. This is... way better than I thought it would be. You’re really fighting for me.

Hamilton beams.

**HAMILTON**

Well, that's my job. You want a quick tour?

**THEODOSIA**

Sure... I have to leave in half an hour...

They leave. Burr and Laurens watch them go.

INT. GEORGE WASHINGTON’S OFFICE - LATER

Laurens walks in. SPY SHOT.

**WASHINGTON**

Do we have a meeting son?

**LAURENS**

I want you to give Alex lot 48 and let him build a park.

Washington leans back in his chair. 

**WASHINGTON**

Why?

**LAURENS**

Doesn’t matter. People like parks.

**WASHINGTON**

It’s a development lot. Restaurant, office building, something.

**LAURENS**

You owe me one, remember? In fact, you owe me several.

**WASHINGTON**

You want to cash in for this? 

**LAURENS**

Yup.

**WASHINGTON**

What’s your angle?

**LAURENS**

Doesn’t matter.

**WASHINGTON**

You really want to trade four years worth of favors for a park that’ll never get built?

**LAURENS**

Yeah.

He leaves. Washington stares after him.

**WASHINGTON**

He wants to bang him so bad.

INT. GOVERNMENT BUILDING - LATER

Hamilton and Theodosia hold starbucks cups and walk down a very long hallway.

**HAMILTON**

There are 85,000 people in Yorkling, and this building contains the entire government. “The power center”.

**THEODOSIA**

This hallway is endless.

**HAMILTON**

I know, we call it the archway hallway. Or sometimes just the hall.

**THEODOSIA**

Clever.

PAN slowly over a MURAL PAINTING in the elevator area, of a hard-working, tough-as-nails prairie woman...

**HAMILTON**

This building is called the Patriot Hall, named by the first inhabitants of this town in 1774. Fun fact, it was one of the first structures in America to have locks!

We see the woman is holding an ax and must be in the middle of her daily wood-chopping.

**THEODOSIA**

(re: mural) Wow.

**HAMILTON** (V.O)

Yes, our crown jewel. These murals depict the battle at Freedom River. 

We pan down and see the woman is actually swinging her ax at the head of an English red coat.

**HAMILTON**

We have a lot of kids visit, so we put the minimum wage poster over the most horrible parts.

The minimum wage poster is covering what must be even worse scenes of slaughter.

**THEODOSIA**

That’s... horrifying

**HAMILTON**

Yes. Come on, I’ll show the DMV offices!

**THEODOSIA**

Awesome.

From all the way down the hall, Burr pops out and calls to them.

**BURR**

Hamilton! Hey! We did it!

They look back at him.

INT. PARK’S DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER

Hamilton and Theodosia hugging. Burr obviously wants to join in, but isn’t comfortable enough to do so.

**HAMILTON** (V.O.)

Yes! George Washington has approved our request for a committee!

HAMILTON TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

This is huge. I'm barely 34, and I've already landed a Parks Department exploratory subcommittee.

(Jazzed)

I'm a rocket ship.

BACK TO OFFICE

Hamilton, Theodosia, Burr, Laurens, and others stand around drinking champagne.

**HAMILTON**

To our beautiful new committee, a committee of dreams! And to America!

Hamilton drains the glass like it’s apple juice.

**BURR**

Here, let me.

Burr pours another. Hamilton downs it. Burr marvels.

BURR TALKING HEAD

**BURR**

Every now and then we have these little gatherings, and Hamilton gets plastered. One time I convinced him to try to fax someone a Fruit Roll-Up. He one time made out with the water-delivery guy in his office. One time, he actually dueled a guy and Washington made him take a month-long cruise until the heat cooled down.

(Beat)

These things are the only reason I can stand him.

BACK TO SCENE

Hamilton is now double-fisting champagne glasses.

**HAMILTON**

Hey, John, it looks like we’re going to be working together for awhile, huh?

**LAURENS**

Looks like it.

**HAMILTON**

Looks like it indood. Deed. Doo-dee-doo-doo-dee.

He stops and winces at his drunkenness. Theodosia refills her glass and holds it out.

**THEODOSIA**

Cheers!

They all clink glasses. Hamilton drops one of his glasses so he can place a hand on Theodosia’s shoulder.

**HAMILTON**

Theo, I promise you, I’m going to work my butt off to get this project done. No matter how long it takes. This butt is coming off!

Theodosia smiles.

**LAURENS**

That’s our Alex. He’s one tough cookie.

Laurens tousles Hamilton’s hair. Hamilton leans into it with a smile. Laurens stops and a second later Hamilton opens his eyes. He flashes a thumbs up to Theodosia.

HAMILTON AND THEODOSIA JOINT TALKING HEAD

**HAMILTON**

You know what? America is awesome. It's so full of hope and small towns and big cities and real people and delicious beverages and hot guys. You just never know when opportunity is gonna strike.

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah. 

**HAMILTON**

You gotta be ready for it.

**THEODOSIA**

Yeah. 

**HAMILTON**

Are you excited?

**THEODOSIA**

Definitely am. Fired up. I... You know they say that democracy or whatever only works when people get involved? Well, I'm getting involved. So I am gonna make a vow now that I will do whatever it takes to get this pit filled in. Even if it takes two months.

(Beat; notices something off-screen)

What? What’s so funny?

**HAMILTON**

(Downs champagne)

Woooooooo!

**END OF ACT THREE**

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic May 9, 2016 (!!!) and finished literally yesterday, June 29, 2020.
> 
> Reasons it took me so long, despite being a script fic:  
> \- Figuring out who fits which roles best, I literally changed every role except Ham and GWash like four times, and had to edit lines to reflect this  
> \- The script I used (which I guess was not used from the actual pilot?) was in a read-only PDF, so I typed all this stuff out by hand. Every single word. It was the worst.  
> \- Writing original lines, because I don't fuck with racism or transphobia.
> 
> Notable things I cut out:  
> \- A line about Leslie getting so drunk she dressed as batman, not batgirl, batman and Tom convinced her to fight crime. Apparently it's shocking for a girl to wear a male costume??? I don't get it.  
> \- The mural of the prairie women murdering Native people. I get it, it's dark humor, but also, maybe let's stop killing Indigenous peoples before we start making jokes about killing indigenous peoples? Shit's fucked man. Murdering the English is fair game tho.  
> \- Leslie calls Mark a crazy pollack, which is like "haha we can be racist to this ethnicity because they're white, and the PC police won't come for our ass" like, sorry boo but I'm not here for making fun of any ethnicity (except like white people as a whole, but we all know why that's okay) I changed it to Alex calling John a possum-eater, but like, Southerners actually do eat Raccoons so... (before you ask, they taste like shit.)
> 
> Reasoning for roles:  
> \- Alex is Leslie because fucking obviously.  
> \- GWash is Ron because they both disrespect authority but don't see the irony in them being authority figures. I did change all the gun shit tho. I feel like citizens should be allowed to practice their second amendment right cuz our government is fucked, but I don't think Government employees should be allowed to have guns in their buildings (makes it harder to overthrow them). Sorry if that's controversial or whatever, join your local Socialist Rifle Association  
> \- Mark varied. I originally (in 2016) had him as Angelica, which was funny to me because of the "we slept together at a party" line. I changed it to Laurens because I decided to change the lines to show mutual attraction.  
> \- Ann was John at first because I ship Leslie/Ann. I changed it to Eliza, but decided to change it to Theodosia because I realized that the flirting aspect would work way better with Burr and Theo. Plus, there's not enough fic with her.  
> \- Burr isn't really the best Tom Haverford, but I would argue his debonair air and obvious "I'm friends with this person but I will also disrespect and undermine everything they do" energy makes them similar enough  
> \- Madison is Aubrey because I didn't want to include Philip (I thought about it but decided that I just wouldn't be happy with it). I was going to make it Lafayette and have him be a French exchange intern, but decided I wanted to include Madison as part of the "anti-Ham" squad. If I wrote/edited more scripts, I would build up the Jefferson/Madison relationship in a bonding kind of way, similar to the Aubrey/Ron relationship  
> \- Jefferson is a catch-all for other employees. I picture him as the Jerry, but he also gets lines that are OOC for Burr.
> 
> If I was going to continue this I wouldn't because there's a lot of Hamilton characters and Parks and Rec characters that have zero overlap, but I guess my current thoughts are:  
> \- Eliza as Ben  
> \- Angelica as a mix between Donna and Chris  
> \- I literally have no idea for the rest and it's giving me a headache
> 
> Anyway if you finished reading this you should go sign a petition and donate to a bail fund.


End file.
